I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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