if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ttyl tear gas
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
