You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
