She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
