That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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