swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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