i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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