The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
