Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
