My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
