I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i now understand why vodka
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
