The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
