The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
