so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I look better un-naked...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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