The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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