i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
