I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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