Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
