Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
nutella sex= disaster
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
