I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
