The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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