OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
