the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
