please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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