Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
