that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
