took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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