He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
