if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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