I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
