My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
