i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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