garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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