I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
