I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
