That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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