dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
