My nipple is on Facebook.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Still dying that you shit outside
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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