I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
