im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
