You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
