from now on my penis is your penis
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I will be naked everywhere
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
