we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
