Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
