her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
