I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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