I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
