she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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