Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So much Jack, so little girl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
