that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
