You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
