Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
