I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
